Like a star without its dreams.

This is to the songs that make our hearts beat faster and reminds us simple of the days we want so badly. So we’ve lost, and were going down and we’re falling with no control of our landing. My bare knees touching your This is to the songs that make our hearts beat faster and reminds us simple of the days we want so badly. So we’ve lost, and were going down and we’re falling with no control of our landing. My bare knees touching your ripped jeans and if this was love it would be okay but this situation and this feeling makes my knees go weak and the way we have are status isn’t making them any better. I’m going down, that’s it. Softly I’ll whisper “this feels like home, this here with you feels like home.” You’ll nod and rub your nose against my cheek will kiss and there wont be anything better I’d like more, but that’s it this isn’t getting any better. Fingers laced and a untied shoelace, sweet smells and hard times, this isn’t how it rhymes I hate that this has to be goodbye. I’ll end this off soft with a bit too much of a tear, unperfected and unoriginal with a question of love and how long it would last and why is it ever over. Oh why does it ever end? These are the days you need to last just to know you have reasons for breathing.

I’m so sick of spilling my guts. So find me a new pack of secrets and a new bag of lies, because I’m tired of acting in the roll of “I’m just fine.”  I’ve traced the lace on this table cloth for quiet some time and I’ve blamed myself for hiding way too long. This is where I’ll be frail and broken stuffing my pain under the blood stained rug, with the light flickering above. I could say I’m losing every one of them and feeling everything I’ve ever felt but only a few would care and only a few feelings would linger long enough to last. I will hold back my secret of killing till my skin grows thin and I can’t move on before the wave’s crash in. I know, I know I can’t let it go until you tell me so. I am miserable and a terrible wreck, with scars still lying across my back. I’ll live to breath in these breaths, numb enough to barely feel the fire go across my finger tips, and I’ll lay her in the dark thinking to myself How I wanted things this way.

Ok so I've been getting these fortune cookies, yes I am a Chinese food lover (hehe) and it's weird they all make scenes and all direct to me...

"In Life, it's good not to get too comfortable."

       - Right when school ended and I had to start over.

"You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music."

       - When I decided Photography is something I actually might want to do one day, and you know me and music are pretty good friends lol

"In a gentle way, you can shake the world."

      - I don't know but it sounds cool and my friend said it sounded like me

"We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes."

      - I'm fearing that one of my best friends from grade school that I'm meeting for the first time in 2 years is going to be my total opposite when really she probably is just fine, I'm hoping she'll just be fine.

Tired of messages about summer I can’t stand the sun, no more scenes to see I like the fall much better. I was in denial and now I’m just in shock and I like to see you leave but I’m just a liar and you’re just her truth waiting to see me go. “Things won’t ever be the same” you said to my convincing ears in an interesting conversation and I sunk right in. I went down to a low and I seem to have lost the strength to go, and your words brought me down to this place. To this place I can’t wake from and this nightmare I can’t seem to lose with this terrible sound I can’t seem to shake and I’m falling faster then I ever had before. I need to find a new home and I knew place where I belong because goodbye just hurts to much and begging’s scare me to the bone and I’m finding a chariot and a ride and a flight cause flying makes me feel like I can finally be free please let me know that this wont be as hard as your lips tell me. Is this the truth because that’s all I wanted was the truth, please, please tell me this is going to be right and I can let go but letting go means letting go of you and I’m not strong enough to let you go. Let me get away.  A Chariot, a ride, and a flight.

I'm loosing all I got and what I got left isn't enough to get me through the rest.

 

We’ve grown so much but we stayed in the same skin, in our eyes we’ll always look this way. We’ll always be the same. To be everything you will be all I think about, everything you’ve ever done right and every place we’ve gone. I’m going to think about you, just don’t forget to remember…winter days, and February’s scene. The months that we got close the different ways we went. I’m going to never forget. Soft days with cold air and smiles that came and gone, oh please don’t forget. The way I’m shaking isn’t affecting my breathing and the way I’m holding back tears won’t keep me from leaving. The way this is going is going to fast and I’m falling to fast and growing in to this new skin to slow. Leaving you all is going to be the hardest thing to get through but you know I’ll never forget you. Oh I’ll never forget. I’m losing every smile, every month, every way we laughed. Everything. Please don’t forget our year, this year, even when our ending was a mess, our year was the best.

 

2days.

 

I’ve slowly lost to you. See I’ve have been swimming in this river when the water is drowning my way of thinking and slowing my moves. This is the clash between my thoughts and me; not the tide distressing my bones. Oh the fight between my feelings and me has turned to me taking deep breaths. I can't seem to even ponder the reality. Desperately I'll wait till the words flow out of your mouth, when my lungs beg for air. This is where everything is left to sink, oh lets watch them struggle, lets watch them slow. Right here in the pitiful river of broken hearts, dampening this soul. Just doing more damage then it has too, pulling down my chest till I find the bottom of deepened love in the banks of despair. Now it doesn’t matter how much I cared, realizing when we stopped talking about forever, oh promise me our lips will never let us speak of forever again.

Let me drown.

 

 

Note: You wonder why I have no trust.

Dear Time,

Pleas stop. I’m running out of you all together in ever-individual way and place in my life.

Dear Change,

I’m really tired of you changing everything and everyone around me, stop changing everything pleas.

Dear Everyone,

I'm sorry for everything i've done.

P.S Wrong would be a word to add in to this mess.

Lets go down to where the lights fade and the world is gone. I want to see something you could never imagine, lets create a world you could never imagine. Imagine something beautiful. Neon lights and streetlights with a gaze and hints of things you want to see. A secrete hidden; safe beneath lips, doesn’t exist. Standing in between stars and moons I know such place doesn’t exists but there is a difference and you look down on me and reach. Standing in front of a sign that reads don’t walk, so we’ll get nowhere at all or break that law. I'm not sure witch would be beter any way.  I’m wearing your jacket because I love the way it feels on the surface of my skin, I love the fragrance in the hood where your shampoo gives off a scent I never could of smelled before. I hold a flag in my dreams and I go down, down, down. You don’t understand this at all. Yet, I can’t get enough. Let me ramble a story line and you write the story, let me go on about nights I remember in a daze but let you try and figure them out. My memories are hazy my world is new; I want to be next to you. Lets move on with this great way. This probably won’t make much scene at all. As the line says, “perfection ain’t perfect” So lets live our lies sane and insane, now that isn’t perfect at all. You aren’t perfect, neither am I.

The pleasures that you once put on self-defining hearts. Oh how I hate that this could be the end but I would be lying if I said there could never be an end. Oh what would love be with out the knife? Drowning every word, intimidating every move, threatening every sound. Hearts sitting on the banks of shallow shores with the love you'd never know, with the scents you could never comprehend. The same as you are, there is no shame, as the hearts sink with what it seems no love? As they lay at the bottom of the pity shore
Good luck where I've failed, love would be a start including the words in this ongoing love affair. My problem is I'm never critical enough to yell your name; your problem is your never content enough to drown in your happiness. Oh god how was this worth it?
Holding back shameless tiers will never hurt so much when abandoned hearts will sing tonight. I always thought the sound of hearts breaking was hushed by the fingers of god
but I guess what they say is true  “If your heart were broken you'd be dead.”

For some, music is not just a pastime,
It's an undeniable fact of living,
A blissful slavery of mind, body and soul.
To rise above the ashes of mediocrity is rare,
Yet the gift of song is freely handed out to anyone who cares to receive it,
Instantly shattering our daily drudgery.

The path to pursue more than the usual,
More than what is safe and known,
Is wrought with time-sharpened jagged blades that cut deep,
Blocking many from the road to something greater,
Beyond the stunted imagination of their peers.

Within the veins of few,
Passion fills every sinew with a sweet unquenchable purpose,
Calming the fear of those treacherous paths.
Though each slice burns and bleeds,
Still they take each cut,
And wear the scares with pride to signal their choice,
That undying pursuit is greater joy within every chord.

And so they say- Watch me Bleed

 

--Hanson

While our minds are wallowing in panic, I hope this is going to be just fine but there is know security and certainly there is no hope. The most light I can see is the outline beaming from the edges of the over shuttered windows. I can see the sketch of your face and the detailed way you move your way past the dust. When my lungs are heaving in this new way; every move that is made from your feelings has driven tension through my veins. This is when the uneasy feeling sets in, when my heart beats faster, when I can hardly understand which set of feelings should I feel, this is sinking in.
Your breathing has washed over me, I’m done fighting its pull; I’m done fighting you. You’ve placed me on the borders of something new. This is new.
When I hear something so shallow leave your sound. When collapsing lungs need breathing I’m gradually opening my mouth begging myself to say something profound but I feel as though my throat is blocking this way. This has to be just revenge. Now I’m in between you and this feeling. Destroy this sense of pain in this clouded scene.

I'm lost at sea,
the radio is jamming but they wont find me,
I swear its for the best
and then your frequency is pulling me in closer
til I'm home.

And I've been up for days
I finally lost my mind
and then I lost my way.
I'm blistered but I'm better and I'm home.

And I will crawl, theres things that aren't worth giving up I know.
But I won't let this get me I will fight.
You live the life you're given with the storms outside somedays all I do is watch the sky.

This room's too small, it's only getting smaller
I'm against the wall, I'm slowly getting taller here in Wonderland.
This guilt feels so familiar and I'm home.

And I will crawl, theres things that aren't worth giving up I know.
But I won't let this get me I will fight.
You live the life you're given with the storms outside somedays all I do is watch the sky,
somedays all I do is watch the sky.

I think I, I could use a little break, today was a good day.
I think I, I could use a little break, today was a good day.
It's a deep sea on which I'm floating. Still I sink to think that i must...

crawl, theres things that aren't worth giving up I know.
When you can't bear to carry me I'll fight.
You live the life you're given with the storms outside somedays all I do is watch the sky,
today was a good day, today was a good day.

-- Something Corporate

Sunsets casting shadows in between the shallow branches. Looking in your open window, Looking out to the silenced moon. I surrender my thoughts and my words to you. As I feel, everything but all right. These are the reasons why I always whisper, these are the words I wish I never held so secret. Can I stutter them free? Even though there are always words I wish I never said, I regret saying them all.

You've got me sitting here while the sounds of your latest tunes swim through my ear. Heart grabbing; Head shaking, Spine chilling way to get my attention. Oh you've succeeded, so you can sleep well tonight, Sleep well tonight. What a shame, you can't sit here and enjoy this fine moment while it last. You’ve got me sitting on a bench while the winter air chills our breath. As snows glittering our covered heads. Oh I'm going through our memories of forever.

It must have been long enough to forget when I saw you last smile, when I could feel, when I felt butterfly fill the air that is left in me. You've got me wishing that these were never just a bunch of innocent memories.

Lets let them free.

Oh my goodness. Ok so yeah it was amazing! Like way amazing! I saw The Spill Canvas who was awesome even with out their drummer, Plain white Tee's (I got a drumstick and Tom with an x in the o signed it.) Then Ok Go witch was so good! Seriously one of the best, Then Motion City soundtrack! They were all so good! It kicked. This was seriously awesome! I was small so I kept getting pushed away but you know I got up far!! People were so nice, I lost a shoe and one girl is like "are you ok?" It was really cool. It was so hott too. Gosh it was good though!! Anyone who ever has a chance to go see them go!

 

Best concert I've been to so far.

 

Yes it's true, lets start new. Lets start with a new scene with a new plot, with a new you. I want to start over with a hello and a goodbye. Let me just turn around and forget your name before I ever tell you the next line. I hate to hate you but you got me there, you got it. I am losing feeling; I am losing light. I hate to say it’s you but you got it all right. I’ll nod my head; Cry those tiers, Cry those tiers that know you’re gone and move on. This is wrong. I want to type up all those mean things, I want to call you on all those cheap shots. By the way I hate that song. Yes I drowned in that lyric of a lie. I’m over it, so you should stop telling me to move on, I’m already gone.

I’ll see you when you’re ready.

keeping flowers in the hands of a breathless body. I’ll be sure to think of another excuse, I'll be sure to call the hearse.

and I think you could careless, thats what scares me the most.

I'm running out of ideas.

"Everything will be okay, right?" "Remember how much fun it was?" “How can I help?”

 

When two of your best friends are crying them selves to sleep at night...you sort of forget you need to stop helping cause you got nothing else to give, but you still try. I hate that my life is a-okay and my friends are easily broken. It's so hard not to break. Worry, worry I seem to catch myself doing right after night before I hit the pillowcase of my bed. Someone tell me what to do before I fall into places and hiding situations I don't want to end up. Before I am the one crying myself to sleep cause I can't help...I need somewhere else to go. Somewhere else. Let it not be a gateway drug or a ton of meaningless tears. Let it be good, let help all the hearts I got to fix...before this gets to big to get through. Before I get one to many worthless seams to stitch.

You’ve forced me into love, with every inch of your skin, with every single skeleton left in your empty closets, with bats swooping along overheads, with ever sorrow sigh. Force me into nothing new; Force me into hating you. I’m sick of waking up to every rising sun wondering why your not there. One more moment by your side, one more chance to have your hands intertwined with mine. Before you ever left I could have told you how much I really still cared but airports and plan rides have their way of blocking my words and admitting everything I need to stay. Oh I know there’s always something to blame. Right now I could sit here; I could sulk over every word I could have said just get you to hold me a little longer or a moment I could have said something to make you stay.

Now, now you’re gone.

 

I hope this was worth getting up for; everything is worth waking up for. Darkened rooms, Dreary skies, they’re addicted to overcast. Soften lips, Licked with grace, they’re kissed with painful times, they wont silence the meaning of broken hearts. Holding on tight I staid up embraced to the notebook that holds my thoughts conveying them all to the words That controls every element of my feeling. Why does it have to be, that I can’t stop grabbing a hold every word you put down in ink
to smudge the words, That I can’t stop myself to seek to find everything you ever wanted to find I need to stop myself to care, So pleas stop caring.

I’ll live a life, when everyone has their eyes widen and their mouths closed. I’ll live a life still thinking the droplets of water hitting my cold skin, sending chills are truly tears of God, and he’s crying down on this poor world hoping for something more.  Don’t listen to me, I’m just full of myself. Skipping through, I have to say that this wont be the last you’ll hear from me, skipping right along I have to say that this wont be the end. I hate this; I hate the way you hold your head high when you’re being pushed and grinded to the ground. I hate that I am the only one who knows. I hate how you can fight yourself to get a few words out that seem to just shrivel up on your tong, “I’m just fine.” when I know your breaking down. I just know. I hate you, but that is just a lie used as a weapon to win your frail heart. And I’m not the one who lies all the time. So, let me lie. Let me cry tears that prove this world is poor. I hate you.
It is only the barrel of the gun.

 

1/29/2006